Toxic Is a word that gets thrown around a lot in this age. A toxic person is someone who uses words and actions to make others feel bad.
After interacting with a toxic person, you tend to feel low, demotivated, emotionally drained, sad and just generally negative. Sometimes the toxicity is felt instantly, other times it builds up until its evident. Therefore, we try our best to stay away from toxic people.
Sometimes people can intentionally or unintentionally be toxic. As a result, you can be toxic without really knowing it.
If you are reading this, it could mean that perhaps you feel you might be having toxic traits that you are not well aware of. Trust me, that’s a really big step to being a better person (feeling that there is something you need to work on in yourself).
Here are a few signs that you might be a toxic person.
You hold grudges
it is very very hard for you to let go of the pain and disappointment people sometimes cause you. We all get wronged by people (we have all wronged people and) the important thing is how we react to the situation. A non-toxic person rarely lets bad energy into their space especially if its something to do with small fights. Toxic people are easily consumed by bitterness and anger when wronged.
People feel a bad vibe after hanging out with you
Sometimes its hard to notice this. But one way of knowing is taking note of the persons mood and body language (before and after talking to you).
You tend to dominate conversations
For some reason, you feel that your experiences and thoughts are way cooler and more interesting than the experiences of others. You get too excited to talk about yourself that you don’t give thoughts to how others are feeling. For instance, how often do you ask people “and what about you, how was your day?” “And how was the experience for you?” “and did you also have fun?
You are mostly only nice and kind to people who will benefit you
You generally consider yourself a nice person and maybe a mild bully just once in a while for fun. What you don’t know is that this ‘mild bullying’ is how you often treat people who don’t have much to offer you.
Most of your friends have mentioned that you are competitive
You low key don’t feel happy for your friend’s achievements especially if it’s something you haven’t achieved already. You always want to be a bar higher than your friends at different achievements. Sometimes, people avoid talking much about their success around you. This is because they can feel that negative energy, people have at some point mentioned that you are jealous.
“You always want to be a bar higher than your friends at different achievements”
It’s hard for you to genuinely apologize
Sometimes you hurt people. However, as much as you are aware of their pain, you give yourself reasons why they don’t deserve an apology. In addition, you even want to decide how they should feel about different things. If you’ve ever said “you’re not suppose to be that angry” “you are overreacting” you are toxic. In conclusion, people are allowed to feel whatever they feel about anything. Your inability to understand and acknowledge their feelings makes you a toxic person.
“Your inability to understand and acknowledge people’s feelings makes you a toxic person”.
You make fun of other people to feel superior
If most of the jokes you make revolve around other people’s humiliating situations, then you probably are toxic. Humiliating others or laughing at people’s situations is actually a cry for help. People who do that are unconsciously cloaking their insecurities of not being good enough by shinning a spotlight on other people’s inadequacies.
You rarely give thought to what others feel
You are quick to acting based on what you want and how you feel. Unconsciously, you act as though everything is about you. For instance, when your friend shares something that makes them sad or angry, you are quick to sharing your story (that is obviously ‘sadder’ or made you ‘angrier’). Therefore, switching the focus on you. This bad behavior is unconscious and also a pointer to your toxicity. Practice empathetic listening. Not everything is a competition. Sometimes just listen to your friend.
You bad mouth other people behind their back
Sometimes a good gossip is fun. However, for you, it’s almost all you ever talk about. You always have something bad to say (and you actually say it) about everyone including your friends and family. There are three things people talk about in their leisure: places, people, events and ambitions. You’ll realize you often talk about people than you talk about anything else.
you have a short temper
you get angry really fast. In other words, you are quick to reacting to anger. The main reason behind this brings us back to your inability to consider what other people are feeling. You don’t take time to really think about why that person did what they did and whether they are sorry. As a result, you react to anger really quick because all you focus on is: they made me feel bad.
you are pessimistic
you constantly talk about what’s wrong, what’s bad and what’s not working. As a result, drawing other people into your negativity. Similarly, your constant dwelling on negativity drains people off their positivity and leaves them feeling dull. You are indeed a vibe killer.
We are all always talking about how were cutting off toxic people. Sadly, we never really look within ourselves to figure out just how toxic we are. I personally believe that each of us is toxic in different ways, but what really matters is the effort you make to identify and fix your toxic traits.
In my experience, the toxicity in a person is their unconscious way of protecting themselves. Your toxic traits are like a defense mechanism. These are unpleasant behaviors that we collect throughout our past years to help us cope and survive in a world that can at times be very cruel.
I really can’t blame you if you had to learn how to be selfish and unkind to get by. However, it is your responsibility to acknowledge how your actions and words hurt others . Like I always say; you never chose the pain, but healing is entirely up to you.
You never chose the pain, but the healing is entirely up to you.
Fighting our toxic traits can be really hard and even seem impossible. At Oasis, you’ll find me with a team other behavioral experts: psychologists and psychiatrists. reach out, being a better person is easy with the right guidance.
If you really think about it, if we all looked within ourselves and worked towards radiating light to others, then we wouldn’t really need to cut off anyone.