Phonecalls, texts, WhatsApp chats led me to share my depression experience on air this past Saturday… is communication, coming out a “white persons” thing?

“African women, in general, need to know that it is okay for them to be the way they are – to see the way they are as a strength, and to be liberated from fear and from silence” – Wangari Maathai.

Outset of the stigma downpours… “stress can make you do so many things, you were just an alcoholic, you are so spoilt/brat, but then again, that is a white people thing!… comes out best in Swahili,”hizo ni magonjwa za wazungu unajiwekea” …

so this “white people” thing got to me. So even if it is a “white people thing”, how is it we choose what to accept from the “white people” then decide which ones are wrong and we as Africans wont accept? We go to school, learn theories that were mostly proven by “white people” including medicine, yet when it comes to Psychiatry, it is a “white people” thing…

We as africans wait for mental cases to be as severe as walking down the streets naked, eating litter and all, talking to oneself, seeing abnormal things (hallucinating)… to be considered “insane” or “mad”, a “mathare” case… we are ready to let it go that far than to treat the treatable at an early and cognitive state.

“You need prayers, that is the devil”… I mean it is not that i am churned-up by Spirituality but an illness is an illness. “Stop those meds you are taking! It is the “white man” way of messing you up!”…why don’t we tell that to People suffering from Diabetes? Asthma? HIV? And other physical ailments? From the little Biology i know, the brain is also an organ, as well as the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, skin, etc… According to us it is okay for the other organs to be “sick” but not the brain?

Depression; You look happy but you don’t feel happy. It is being colourblind and constantly told how colourful the world is. “I’m tired” means a permanent state of exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix. I wanted to write down exactly what i felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and i could not have described it any better. What people never get is depression isn’t about the outside, it is about the inside. When you are depressed you don’t control your thoughts, instead your thoughts control you. My moods don’t just swing, they bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette… I am not using Depression as an excuse. Trust me i’d give anything to function “normally” on a day to day basis. It feels like everyone is moving on with their lives and I am stuck in this hole that i cant climb out of…

… There comes a point where you no longer care if there is light at the end of the tunnel or not, you are just sick of the tunnel.

People think depression is sadness, depression is crying,depression is wearing black, but people are wrong! Depression is the constant feeling of being Numb. Numb to emotions, numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again.

Are these Feelings Black enough??

I will wear my green ribbon proudly…

#Depression #BipolarDisorder #mentalhealth #journal #breakthestigma #MayIstheMonth #healing

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